Being an etiquette coach is an actual job: despite what Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs annually tell me. If Donald Trump can be President and Paul Burrell can still get work, then there'll be no stopping me.
A few years ago when travelling to New York for work, I was asked by a US border official what my profession was; after hearing my reply he asked whether I 'felt guilty when people pay you for that'. This summer marks my tenth anniversary of teaching and commentating about etiquette.
The word no (the one single word that any child needs to grasp) was not one he was used to hearing and his maid cut up his food (I soon stopped that) and bathed him each night (again, I suggested he started showering to aid independence).
I had free-reign as far as activities for his time in London; prime seats for big West End shows would be found with two hours notice if he suddenly wanted to go to the theatre, and we'd have VIP tours around safari parks and other amusements. So much so the child insisted I walk behind his incontinent pony during his riding lessons through Hyde Park.
Or, use this guide: Date 3 She’s not expecting a gift, but you two have had two greats dates and you’re sure she’s your Tinder dream queen: you want to do something to lock in a third date. Look for a bouquet with some holly or red berries shoved in there.
The Chinese have given the world so much, and continue to do so, but what the younger generations there have recognised is that the country's decorum and self-restraint could do with a bit of fine tuning (it's the opposite of the UK where the older generation all think the youth are horrid upstarts).
During the test, I unashamedly took my hand off the wheel to thank an articulated lorry for letting me out at a junction.
Well, according to examiner Paul (I have no idea if that was his name - it was something nondescript like that) I may as well have mounted the curb and run over a cat. Still, I'd rather fail and be polite than win and be rude. My toe was first dipped in the waters of etiquette before I had left school: I was asked to teach table manners to the younger years.
You sail through dates two and three worry-free, but then it’s date four and Christmas is two days away.
Right in the middle of cuffing season, Christmas is basically an etiquette nightmare for the just-started-dating crowd.